Plot Ideas for a Story set in the "Das Tal" World

Tell us your stories about the world and the people of The Exiled
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Plot Ideas for a Story set in the "Das Tal" World

Postby ManuKuma » 06 May 2016, 11:22

Structure: interlaced threads that tangle and entwine finishing with a twist

threads for different people from various places and backgrounds - explaining the world from different view points

Main Cast:
- rebel from the fringes (gets imprisoned at war, travels as a slave, arrives at city, gets dumped into valley)
- young jailor inadvertently getting tainted by the substance (separated from patrol, ends up drinking water from the valley, gets hunted by own patrol)
- reincarnating/awaking revenant who was clan leader in a previous instance of the valley (gives some background on the cycle of worlds, can serve as mentor)
Supporting Cast:
- non compliant magistrate (can give background info on the tithing & dependence of the city on ressource influx from the valley despite regular uprisings)
- thief from the city
- apothecary / shaman dealing with substance

All of the cast sooner or later end up in the valley where their story threads merge sooner or later.
Different activities in the valley serve as content to explain the valley
How to get Tier-0 Equipment? Why does it respawn with the char?
- solo
- mentor shows up
- create small clan, story threads merge
- some fights and events
- fighting corruption by the substance to stay sane
- tithing and what the Jailors do to underachievers
- winning a small settlement
- defending settlement

Surfacing information on the purge from the Awoken Revenant, Magistrate and Jailor set the main plot in motion:
Reconnaissance missions targeting jailor camps, patrols and beachheads provide a stream of information on purge and the progress of its preparations.
- a race of preparations (gathering equipment, artifacts, scouting of the final battlegroud + placing stashes near there, more preparations?...) and sabotage ensues
- informing other clans: most bigger clans do not take the threat seriously enough and continue to fight over clan dominance
- learning about groups trying to escape the valley: restoring an elevator, exploring old mine tunnels, preparing shelters (most will get mad in the mineshafts -> revenants) , ...

Learning more about the purge:
The jailors are preparing mechanisms (gas grenades, smoke generators, steam vents?) that will pollute the valley with a mist negating the imortability granted by the substance and triggering a change of the substance infested lands of the valley.

It seems that those, that manage to evade the purging mist until the end have a chance to escape into other parts of the valley using the network of ropes and bridges of the jailors. That network of paths starts at the main beachhead of the jailors which is heavily defended. Even members of the veil will be there.
Another option is to stay: Anyone that manages to show up at the final battle gains the right to challenge the emperor / members of the veil. The winners gain the right to stay in the valley/becomea member of the veil/ freedom (Reference: End Fight in "Gladiator")

- jailors attack all shelters and settlements to weaken the clans
- the purging mist starts
- all revenants run amok due to the mist
- still conflict between clans for posession of gear and artifacts

Two clans agree to cooperate in the finale.
One of the clans turns onto the other clan while it is at an exposed position (to gather an artifact?), and locks it in to let it drown in revenants and strip it of all its gear and artifacts andsubstance.
The small clan of the cast is a bystander of this event since it happens near their position.
They decide to push into the revenants and open up an escape route for the trapped clan.
(Reference: The Way of Kings)
Together they manage to get to the final battleground challenge the emperor.

Epic Final Fight

Last edited by ManuKuma on 09 May 2016, 12:06, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Plot Ideas for a Story set in the "Das Tal" World

Postby dbltnk » 07 May 2016, 20:31

Uhh, I like it. Are you gonna write that story?

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Re: Plot Ideas for a Story set in the "Das Tal" World

Postby ManuKuma » 09 May 2016, 12:02

I might give it a try - I actually did some writeups of roleplaying advantures as stories before, that were well received although they lacked a bit in detail and depth. I thought of trying a kind of literary collage/mashup by taking scenes from existing books and rewriting them to get over that lack and learn how to do it properly... and use feedback by the crowd of course.

Will see if it is manageable time wise to do a bit of writing in the evenings ... always so many ideas and so little time.

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Re: Plot Ideas for a Story set in the "Das Tal" World

Postby ManuKuma » 11 May 2016, 22:25

dbltnk wrote:Uhh, I like it. Are you gonna write that story?

Any hints on what matches / does not match your vision? Alternate explanations?

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Re: Plot Ideas for a Story set in the "Das Tal" World

Postby dbltnk » 11 May 2016, 23:03

Re-reading it I like everything. The only thing I am not sure at all about are the respawn / reset mechanics and their in-world explanations. I'll put those on my to-do list for my next lore work session.

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Re: Plot Ideas for a Story set in the "Das Tal" World

Postby ManuKuma » 24 May 2016, 21:09

Reveal part by part to fill in the background;
Jarmo is the leader of a squad of spear fighters, that is part of a rebel army at the fringes of the city-empire.
The army takes part in in a major battle. Some members of The Veil are part of Dilmun's force to put down that rebellion.
His experienced squad manages to corner one of The Veil. They witness some of the powers of the substance.
BUT at just the wrong time, a big part of the rebel army leaves the fight and abandons the still engaged squads.
(The leader of that part is a ... merchant/politician? Jarmo develops an intense hatred for that kind of personality)
In the end, all of his squad die - Jarmo is the last man standing, but finally gets subdued and captured.
(Ref: "Kaladin" "The Way of Kings", p37ff)

Jarmo's story thread starts within a slave transport to the city. First scene is the first view of Dilmun and its environs after crossing a hills crest.
(Ref: "Kaladin" "The Way of Kings", p48ff)


Elarem's story thread starts in a jailor camp. He is a low ranked jailor guard on his first patrol assignment in a desert/black sludge area. Preparations are done, daypacks are packed, the new jailors are cautioned against eating or drinking something from the valley. The first half day of the patrol is without incidents (what do the jailors normally do?). From the grassy areas there are repeated howling sounds of something big. Older jailors want to leave that thing alone. After a while something an encounter with some revenants prompts a skirmish. Elarem is scared, but does his best. During an intense fight he gets separated from the patrol, since he looses a lot of ground. In the end he takes a stand and manages to win and survive. He tries to track down his patrol, but the tracks start to diverge and cross with other groups tracks. Soon Elarem is lost. He then tries to navigate his way back to the camp. He sleeps huddled to a few rocks that break the wind. When his daypack is used up ha eats some berries and refills his canteen at a little oasis well beneath a lush tree (What a sight in that desert). After almost another day he manages to get nearer to his camp, but still has to pass through a grassy area. The howling is heard again. Something is moving in the grass. Elarem starts to run. The beast is now barreling toward the path to intercept him. He narrowly evades it with a burst of speed - a strange glow and some glowing motes emanate from him.
Not much later, he nears the perimeter of the camp. "Who is there?" comes the call from the guard on the trail ahead."Elarem, from East Patrol, got separated from my group yesterday!" "Did you eat or drink something from the valley?" "Only a few berries..." Twoing... an arrow hits Elarem square in the chest. He drops - but he is not dead. He rolls over, behind the ridge of the path. ...
(Ref: "Cenn" "The Way of Kings", p37ff)
(Ref: "Annihilation")
Last edited by ManuKuma on 20 Jun 2016, 23:30, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Plot Ideas for a Story set in the "Das Tal" World

Postby ManuKuma » 03 Jun 2016, 20:06

Haagish, wealthy merchant and magistrate of Dilmun awoke early that morning, completely unaware that he had been damned for all eternity. Still drowsy, Haagish sat up, blinking in the soft and dim morning light. Outside his open balcony he could see the cliff edges of the valley in the distance, just behind the magnificent city of Dilmun where Haagish lived. The cliffs of the valley were incredibly sheer and high - as if an axe had hit the ground and shattered it. In fact, a common explanation for the valley involved the fiery axe of Logan, the god of fire and a dispute between him and Suus, the goddess of life, death and rebirth...
Haagish shook his head, climbing out of bed. It was unusually warm for such an early hour; he didn't even feel a bit cold as he threw on his robe, then pulled the servant's cord beside his bed. He was not hungry yet, but best to get the day started. A lot of business was to do.
Haagish stood, and as he did, his eyes fell on The Valley again. The great city of Dilmun seemed like an insignificant village next to it's enormity. Hagish could see the lights of the watchtowers at the near and far edges of the many arms of the valley. The forts around the big wheels of the few elevator top stations were not to miss, even for the distant sections of the valley. Haagish's family had secured the trade rights for the resources delivered by one of the nearer elevators. It was worth the enormous tax taken by The Veil: the trade made his family very rich over the last generations - even wealthy enough to secure a position in the magistrate. Of course, The Veil took all of The Substance delivered by this elevator - The Veil controlled all use and possession of the magical Substance.
Haagish stared at the cliff''s edges for a moment, then glanced away. Best not to dwell on topic of The Valley too long - best to leave that to The Veil and it's jailors.
A knock came to his door.
"Finally," Haagish said, walking over to pull open the door. Old Siid stood outside with a tray of fruit and warm bread.
The tray dropped to the floor with a crash, slipping from the stunned servant's fingers even as Haagish reached out to accept it. Haagish froze, the tray's metallic ring echoing through the silent morning hallway.
"Merciful Logan!" Siid whispered, his eyes horrified and his hand trembling as he reached up to grab the copper and obsidian pendant at his neck while staggering back.
Haagish reached out, but the old servant took a quivering step back, stumbling on some fruit in his haste to escape.
"What?" Haagish asked. Then he saw his hand. What had been hidden in the dim light and shadows of his room was now illuminated by the flickering lantern in the hallway. Haagish turned, throwing a chair out of his way as he made it to the mirror at the wash basin in his chambers. The dawn's light had grown just strong enough to see the reflection that stared back at him.
His blue eyes were the same, though they were wide with fear. But his skin showed strange patterns in feint colors - the glyphs of Suus' curse. Triggered by his increasing terror they started to glow subtly.
This could mean only one thing - he had been poisoned with the Substance!

[Ref.: Elantris]
Last edited by ManuKuma on 03 Jun 2016, 21:32, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Plot Ideas for a Story set in the "Das Tal" World

Postby ManuKuma » 03 Jun 2016, 21:26

Jarmo's stomach growled as he reached through the bars and accepted his bowl of slop. He pulled the small bowl - more a cup -between the bars, sniffed at it, then grimaced as the caged wagon began to roll again. The sludgy grey slop was made from overcooked grain and this batch was flecked with crusted bits of yesterdays meal.
Revolting though it was, it was all he would get today. He began to eat, legs hanging out between the bars, watching the scenery pass. The other slaves in his cage clutched ...
Last edited by ManuKuma on 03 Jun 2016, 21:33, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Plot Ideas for a Story set in the "Das Tal" World

Postby ManuKuma » 03 Jun 2016, 21:31

When prisoners are put into the valley, there is a kind of ritual: they get offered a bowl of water and get to choose a weapon and a garment - more of a symbolic than an actually useable quality?

A scenery description of the valley features maroon smoke in a distant arm. A kind of bushfire erruption thhat the jailors will put out. Unfortunately usually a lot of resources an workers are lost in the fires - new prisoners needed (thats the official story covering the purges) ?

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Re: Plot Ideas for a Story set in the "Das Tal" World

Postby ManuKuma » 08 Aug 2016, 22:46

Spirits of the Valley -> End story with death and reincarnation of daughter?
Merchant is substance-poisoned by apple/orange ...

Ties to Messiah, Paradise, Exile?

Mixup roles? Is the mother = tyrannical god? daughter = rebellious Lucifer+Messiah?
Adam & Eve - Noah - Judas - Snake?

Research around Paradise, Water of Life, Tree of Life, early Epics:

Stumbled over: Dilmun, Noah, Flood, Unapishtim ....

Greek Eden:

Snake guarding the Garden ...

Dilmun traded with Indus valley ...research indian mythology?

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